Long Distance relationship?! Ewwww – This was exactly the response I received from an older woman recently after she eavesdropped on a conversation where I mentioned that I was in a long-distance relationship. I have put it in the form of a skit below. Some of it is written in the vernacular of Jamaican Patois to remain as authentic to the experience as possible. If it is that you cannot understand Patois click here for a more ‘standard’ English version of the skit.
MISHANNIE, victim of an insecure woman’s attack, medium-brown skin, relaxed medium length hair
LOUD GIRL, insecure middle-aged woman, light-brown skin, natural curly textured hair, pixiecut
LOUD GIRL decides to prey on what she sees as weakness of MISHANNIE after hearing her encourage someone in their relationship and say that she is in a long distance relationship. MISHANNIE is unaware this is about to happen and becomes confused as to why LOUD GIRL decided to try and embarrass her, as up to this point they shared a cordial relationship. There were people around…
Beginning of scene
LOUD GIRL: Lang distans!? Eww! (Speaks very loudly and points at MISHANNIE ) Yuh man a gi yuh bun my gurl, (dramatic pause) an probly sum chees. My guuuuurl, ants defenetly a run up an dung inna yuh milk.
(Audience comes in a little closer)
MISHANNIE: (Answers sarcastically) Really? It’s fascinating to know that you know so much about my relationship.
MISHANNIE: What is the difference between a long-distance relationship and one where the person is in close proximity?
LOUD GIRL: (Hisses her teeth) Lemme show yuh, (grabs on to a man close by, and points to a man some distance away) My gurrl, try hol on pon da man deh from right yah so. (turns to her audience) See it deh! see it deh! she caan do it (erupts into laughter). But da gurl deh can hol on pon him sense yuh naah an caan do it. Smady a guh tek yuh man my girl since yuh nuh dehdeh fi deal wid yuh tings. Dat a di diffrens!
(Audience nods and laughs in agreement. An audience member high-fives LOUD GIRL)
MISHANNIE: Oh so the physical aspect is the most important part of your relationship?
LOUD GIRL: (Walks around MISHANNIE and looks at MISHANNIE like a lion at his prey) My gurl mi gi my husban mi tings pon a regs (laughs) so him nah stray…bout if it important.
MISHANNIE Oh, so because you give it to him he wouldn’t need it from anybody else?
LOUD GIRL: Me…
MISHANNIE: (Cuts LOUD GIRL off) Do you know what he is doing at this very moment?
LOUD GIRL: (Stutters)
MISHANNIE: I thought so. As a matter of fact, let us both call our husbands now on speaker phone and see which one answers.
(LOUD GIRL hesitantly takes out her phone. MISHANNIE takes out her phone a bit hesitantly as well. Both dial their husbands with the speaker activated. Phone begins ringing and after three rings…)
MISHANNIE’S HUSBAND: Bibsi, I’ve been missing you…
(MISHANNIE begins to grin like a cheshire cat and confidently looks at LOUD GIRL)
MISHANNIE: Hey Bibi, I’ve missed you too, hold on one second please.
(Audience and MISHANNIE anxiously wait to see if her husband would pick up. Then after the fifth ring…)
LOUD GIRL’S PHONE: (Automated voice) You’ve reached the voice mail box of…
(Audience erupts into laughter, MISHANNIE takes her phone off the speaker setting and LOUD GIRL ends her call.)
AUDIENCE MEMBER: A weh u man deh my gurl?
LOUD GIRL: (Hisses her teeth) Dis nuh prove nutten, dis nuh prove nutten, him still coulda …
MISHANNIE: (Cuts LOUD GIRL off) My girl, what is your issue? (Talking into the phone) Bibi, let me call you back.
LOUD GIRL: (Speaks quietly) Yuh kno wah, me nuh av time fi dis, cause ef unu a go use dat as pruf fi nutten. Mi nah force nutten dung nuhbody troat. Cuz unu yung peepl nuh lisen. Ef u belive yuh man nah gi yuh bun a ur bizniz dat.
MISHANNIE: Exactly, my business as I don’t see how you just fly up in my conversation so. Whether your man is in the next room or the next country you can never stop that person from doing something to hurt you. You just have to pick a good one and work at your relationship. All I was doing was encouraging the young lady in her long distance relationship, if that’s what she really wants. And why is it that you are trying to make it seem as if you are trying to help me. You…
LOUD GIRL: (Cuts MISHANNIE off) (hisses her teeth) Has mi say before (begins walking away) me nuh av time fi dis (inaudible muttering)
End of scene
Hey Fam! Welcome to another blog post. I hope you all do not have to deal with situations like this in your day to day life and you at least chuckled while reading this skit. Honestly looking back at it now, it seems so hilarious. Although at the time I was not laughing-ughh the nerve of some people! Thank God Bibi answered though…
I have recalled this event to start a conversation on long-distance relationships. I am in no way advocating that long-distance relationships are easy or that persons in a long-distance relationship do not get cheated on or that everyone should do it if they are asked. I am however saying that it is do-able if the appropriate foundation was already laid for your relationship and/or if both parties are fully committed to make the relationship work. I am also saying that cheating and other issues are not unique to long-distance relationships; it goes through similar successes and challenges as a ‘normal’ relationship with probably just a little more effort.
I am currently in a long-distance relationship so I am able to speak with some authority on the subject matter. I also think it would be useful to share some info with those persons who may need a little support in their relationship or educate those who are just curious about long-distance relationships. So I am going to share 3 tips on how to make long-distance relationships easier to manage, 4 warnings about long-distance relationships and 5 perks that are unique to long-distance relationships.
The tips I am about to share would work best if they are done before putting distance between you and your beau, but it’s not the end of the world if it is done after the long-distance part of your relationship has already started. We do not live in a perfect world so while it would be great to work out all logistics before, we have to learn to adapt and know that it is OK and sometimes necessary to make changes during the long-distance relationship.
3 TIPS TO MAKE LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS EASIER TO MANAGE
1. Set End Points
The end point refers to that moment onwards that you will able to see and be with your partner for an extended period of time after experiencing some distance. This may be a one-time thing where someone has to eventually move to the other person’s location when that end point arrives or there may have to be several occurrences of an end point. For example, someone with a seasonal job that may take them away temporarily on multiple occasions, over an extended period time will have to set several end points. In both cases the end point needs to be clearly defined. If more time is needed after any end point find out exactly how much more time is needed and why it is needed. Get proof of this, discuss it, come to a consensus.
2. Work Out Visitation
Visitation during a long distance relationship is definitely needed and important for the physical aspect of the relationship, especially when the time apart runs into several months or years. Each person should be privy to the exact location of the other and the methods and modes of travel available to get there.
Visit for as long and as frequently as possible. You can increase the frequency of visits by sneaking in one or two visits during off seasons when it is cheaper to travel. Sometimes the onus may be on one partner to visit as only that person has the appropriate documents to travel or their work schedule is a lot more flexible. Remember that physical contact is just as important as connecting mentally and spiritually. There needs to be a healthy balance among the three and visitation allows you to nurture that physical aspect.
3. Make Use of Technology
There is no better time to exist and be in a long-distance relationship than right now in the ever evolving and booming technology age. Technology minimizes the effort to keep the lines of communication open in your long-distance relationship as there are a plethora of options. Gone are the days when you could only send mail through postal services and make a phone call only over landlines.
Even though communication applications and programs are easily accessible today, the different types may not be common to both parties. It is best to choose a form of communication that is easily accessible to both persons involved in the long-distance relationship.
With so many options, you are bound to find a least one that is common to both parties’ situations. Options include: International calling plans from your telephone service provider, MagicJack, Skype (video calls), Watsapp and many others. There is also email (outlook, gmail), direct messaging apps such as good ol’ text messaging, Watsapp and Facebook messenger. Please note, all these options require a data plan or Wi-Fi other than regular phone calls and text messaging.
Once you have identified the different technologies you will be using to communicate, be as creative as possible with how you interact. I personally use Skype to have dinner dates, play competitive games and have devotions. I also use Teamviewer to watch movies, when we both want see a particular movie at the same time.
4 WARNINGS ABOUT LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS
1. Follow your Gut
Do not commit to any relationship if you are unsure, especially one where distance will become involved. Save yourself the heartache and listen to that gut feeling or that voice in the back of your head. These are usually signs that something is not quite right; either chose to commit to fixing it or leaving it. The ball is always in your court.
2. The Dream Chaser
Beware of entering a long-distance relationship with a dream chaser with no defined plan. This doesn’t mean it will not work but it means it may require a lot more effort.
3. Be Safe and Responsible
Please do not start your relationship and fully commit to someone without actually ever seeing them. This is not a long distance relationship, this is dangerous and irresponsible. For example, do not start dating online and then decide to fully commit before actually physically seeing and interacting with this person. If it is that you want to meet this person from online, for the first few times you meet, ask someone to accompany you. Meet only in popular areas and also ensure it is not crowded.
4. MIA Partner
If it is that over a certain period of time you cannot get in touch with your partner and you realize that no matter what communication tool you suggest to make communication easily accessible to both parties, your partner has a problem with it, that person is not committed or something else may be going on. Have a conversation about it and/or do what’s best for you.
5 EXCLUSIVE PERKS OF BEING IN A LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP
1. Builds Anticipation
Being away from each other builds anticipation for the next time you will see your partner. Absence really makes the heart grow fonder. But to make the statement more accurate it should be more like- ‘temporary absence or absence with a future end date makes the heart grow fonder’ as it gives you something to look forward to. Reuniting with your partner after all that anticipation and pent up emotion creates a more euphoric experience once you are physically in each other arms. Every hug, kiss and holding of hands feels more magical and appreciated.
I usually enhance the anticipation by making a bet and wagering what he has to do to/for me or what I get from him/to do the next time we see each other. We usually bet on seeing who is right about a particular topic. Until the time comes for us to see each other we find ourselves talking about it, which shows we are excited about what will be happening when we see each other.
2. Improves Communication
Speaking to your partner without seeing him or her forces you to become a better story teller or words-smith, as what you say, has to convey how you are really feeling or what is really happening. Your words, for example, have to paint a picture of your surroundings or remind your partner of what you like in bed or how you liked it when they did a particular thing or how you now like your tea. You will find that conversations are more meaningful and deep. Really the main way of interacting with your partner is by speaking to them; so greater effort will be made to communicate better and to make better use of the time available to speak with each other.
Communication is such a critical part of any relationship but more so in a long distance one. Improving my ability to communicate has improved all areas of my relationship. I find myself talking about any and everything and over time it has become easier to communicate what I want and need from my partner.
3. Allows for Real Alone Time
I have heard many married persons or persons in committed relationships express that they need some space or alone time. In a long-distance relationship there is already space so if it is needed, it can just be taken.
4. You can let yourself go a little
I do not believe in getting too ‘comfortable’ and neglecting to present your best self to your partner just as it was when you were dating. But when you are in a long-distance relationship and your partner isn’t around, you get to get-away with not shaving as often, for example. Sometimes with the busy lifestyles we lead it becomes hard to keep up with all beauty regimens that we would want to do. But the beauty is that we don’t have to feel bad about it and we get to get-away with it.
Don’t make it a habit though as you never know when he or she may surprise you with a visit. Looking like a grizzly bear down yonder or anywhere else on the body is not cute, unless… (wink, wink). Lets be clear though, I am not saying that you cannot dress comfortably around your partner or that you need to keep up appearances. But I am saying that you should put a little effort in your appearance just as how you put in the effort to look presentable when in public or at work.
5. Staycations, Vacations or Both
Each visitation is usually filled with staycations, vacations or both. Each time you see each other there is usually some touristy event that has to accompany it. I am usually willing to do just about anything when my partner is in town as I want to make the most of every opportunity or moment we have together. Quiet and alone time with each other is also very important; but going out and doing something or participating in some event together creates lasting memories.
Be honest, how often do you ask your partner to recall when you were home having a quiet time together? For me I know that rarely happens, but we talk constantly about all the places we have visited together and the movies we have watched together at home or have gone to see.
I personally do not agree with the negative stigma attached to long-distance relationships. I have been very successful in mine and I know of many other successful stories. Long-distance relationships may actually need more effort and call for patience and imagination to let it work but then again so do relationships where both parties are physically together. The point is whatever situation you find yourself in do what works for you and your relationship and it will be successful, long-distance or otherwise. Most importantly do not let anyone condemn something you have as no one can be an expert on matters involving you other than you.
Leave me a comment down below, especially if you have ever been in a long-distance relationship telling me of your experiences or if you just want to leave me some positivity, click the heart down below. Kindly share this post with someone who may need it and keep the conversation going. Thanks again for stopping by, until next time Fam, walk good.8