Long Distance relationship?! Ewwww – This was exactly the response I received from an older woman recently after she eavesdropped on a conversation where I mentioned that I was in a long-distance relationship. I have put it in the form of a skit below.
MISHANNIE, victim of an insecure woman’s attack, medium-brown skin, relaxed medium length hair
LOUD GIRL, insecure middle-aged woman, light-brown skin, natural curly textured hair, pixiecut
LOUD GIRL decides to prey on what she sees as weakness of MISHANNIE after hearing that she is in a long distance relationship. MISHANNIE is unaware this is about to happen and becomes confused as to why LOUD GIRL decided to try and embarrass her, as up to this point they shared a cordial relationship. There were people around…
LOUD GIRL: Long-Distance?! Ewww(Speaks very loudly and points at MISHANNIE ) Your man is definitely cheating on you (dramatic pause) probably alot.
(Audience comes in a little closer)
MISHANNIE: (Answers sarcastically) Really? It’s fascinating to know that you know so much about my relationship.
MISHANNIE: What is the difference between a long-distance relationship and one where the person is in close proximity?
LOUD GIRL: (Hisses her teeth) Let me show you, (grabs on to a man close by, and points to a man some distance away) Try holding on to that man over there. (turns to her audience) Would you look at that, she cannot even do it (erupts into laughter). But guess what? That woman over there in close proximity to him can hold on to him, since you are not able to. Essentially someone can take-away your man. That is the difference!
(Audience nods and laughs in agreement. An audience member hi-fives LOUD GIRL)
MISHANNIE: Oh so the physical aspect is the most important part of your relationship?
LOUD GIRL: (Walks around MISHANNIE and looks at MISHANNIE like a lion at his prey) I have sex with my husband regularly (laughs) so he is not going anywhere…obviously it is very important.
MISHANNIE Oh, so because you give it to him he wouldn’t need it from anybody else?
LOUD GIRL: I…
MISHANNIE: (cuts LOUD GIRL off) Do you know what he is doing at this very moment?
LOUD GIRL: (Stutters)
MISHANNIE: I thought so. As a matter of fact, let us both call our husbands now on speaker phone and see which one answers.
(LOUD GIRL hesitantly takes out her phone. MISHANNIE takes out her phone a bit hesitantly as well. Both dial their husbands with the speaker activated. Phone begins ringing and after three rings…)
MISHANNIE’S HUSBAND: Bibsi, I’ve been missing you…
(MISHANNIE begins to grin like a cheshire cat and confidently looks at LOUD GIRL)
MISHANNIE: Hey Bibi, I’ve missed you too, hold on one second please
(Audience and MISHANNIE anxiously wait to see if her husband would pick up. Then after the fifth ring…)
LOUD GIRL’S PHONE: (automated voice) You’ve reached the voice mail box of…
(Audience erupts into laughter, MISHANNIE takes her phone off the speaker setting and LOUD GIRL ends her call.)
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Where is your man dear?
LOUD GIRL: (Hisses her teeth) This proves nothing, this proves nothing! He still could be …
MISHANNIE: (cuts LOUD GIRL off) My girl, what is your issue? (Talking into the phone) Bibi, let me call you back.
LOUD GIRL: (speaks quietly) You know something, I do not have time for this. Because I do not know how you can use what just happened as proof. I am not going to force anything down anyone’s throat. Young people just do not listen. If you believe that your man is not cheating on you then that is your business.
MISHANNIE: Exactly, my business as I cannot understand how you just interrupted our conversation like that. Whether your man is in the next room or the next country you can never stop that person from doing something to hurt you. You just have to pick a good one and work at your relationship. All I was doing was encouraging the young lady in her long distance relationship, if that’s what she really wants. And why is it that you are trying to make it seem as if you are trying to help me. You…
LOUD GIRL: (cuts MISHANNIE off) (hisses her teeth) As I said before (begins walking away) I do not have time for this (inaudible muttering)
End of scene
Hey Fam! Welcome! This blog post is just the English version of the skit in the post titled ‘Long-Distance Relationship…Ewww! | Plus 3 Tips, 4 Warnings and 5 Exclusive Perks’. Go back to that post for full commentary on long-distance relationships. Let me know what you think by commenting down below. Thanks again for stopping by. Until next time Fam, walk good.2